TO EMPLOYEES OF THE ORGANIZATION

TO: EMPLOYEES OF THE ORGANIZATION
FROM: HR

It has been brought to HR's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "Now Use" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees. SO...

Now Use: Perhaps I can work late.
Dont Say: When the hell do you expect me to do this?

Now Use: I'm certain that is not feasible.
Dont Say: No f**king way!!

Now Use: Really?
Dont Say: You've got to be shitting me.

Now Use: Perhaps you should check with...
Dont Say: Tell someone who gives a shit.

Now Use: Of course I'm concerned.
Dont Say: Ask me if I give a shit.

Now Use: I wasn't involved in the project.
Dont Say: It's not my frigging problem.

Now Use: That's interesting.
Dont Say: What the hell?!?!

Now Use: I'm not sure I can implement this.
Dont Say: F**ck it. It won't work.

Now Use: I'll try to schedule that.
Dont Say: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

Now Use: Are you sure this is a problem?
Dont Say: Who the hell cares?

Now Use: He's not familiar with the problem.
Dont Say: He's got his head up his ass.

Now Use: Excuse me, sir?
Dont Say: Eat shit and die.

Now Use: So, you weren't happy with it?
Dont Say: Kis** my ass**.

Now Use: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
Dont Say: F**ck it! I'm on salary.

Now Use: I don't think you understand.
Dont Say: Shove it up your ass!

Now Use: I love a challenge.
Dont Say: This job sucks.

Now Use: You want me to take care of that?
Dont Say: Who the hell died and made you boss?

Now Use: I see.
Dont Say: Blow me.

Now Use: Yes, we really should discuss it.
Dont Say: Another darned meeting!!!

Now Use: I don't think this will be a problem.
Dont Say: I really don't give a shit.

Now Use: He's somewhat insensitive.
Dont Say: He's a frigging prick.

Now Use: She's an aggressive go getter.
Dont Say: She's a ball busting bitch.

Now Use: I think you could use more training.
Dont Say: You don't know what the hell you're doing.