Top 50 Quotes From Mark Twain

1. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
2. The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
3. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
4. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
5. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
6. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
7. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
8. In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
9. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
10. You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
11. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
12. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
13. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
14. In the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards.
15. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
16. There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
17. Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
18. The lack of money is the root of all evil.
19. Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
20. If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
21. Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
22. It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
23. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
24. Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
25. What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
26. All generalizations are false, including this one.
27. Golf is a good walk spoiled.
28. My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
29. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
30. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
31. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
32. But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
33. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
34. The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
35. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
36. It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
37. Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
38. A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
39. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
40. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
41. There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
42. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
43. Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
44. When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
45. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
46. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
47. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
48. Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
49. Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
50. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.